> NEWS FROM THE YEAR 2059
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> Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
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> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.
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> Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.
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> Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
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> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
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> Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
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> France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
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> Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned
> all smoking.
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> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.
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> Postal Service raises price of first-class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
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> Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
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> 85-year $758 billion study reveals:
> Diet and exercise are the key to weight loss.
>
> Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for the third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
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> Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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> Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.
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> Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR (Arctic National Wildlife Refuge) even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
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> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
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> Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
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> A Couple has finally experienced Sexual Harmony…they had simultaneous Headaches.
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> Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children.
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> New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered
> by January 2060.
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> Canadian Revenue Agency sets lowest tax rate in 10 years at 75 percent.
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> Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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> Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what … NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or become very, very scared!!
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> I Love This Country!
>
> It’s The Government That Scares Me!
> Stop organized crime, re-elect no one!
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