{"id":3027,"date":"2019-12-29T09:09:54","date_gmt":"2019-12-29T17:09:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/?p=3027"},"modified":"2020-01-07T00:27:28","modified_gmt":"2020-01-07T08:27:28","slug":"bancuri","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/?p=3027","title":{"rendered":"Bancuri"},"content":{"rendered":"
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BANCURILE S\u0102PT\u0102M\u00c2NII\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

* \u2013 Sunte\u021bi mul\u021bumit\u0103 cu m\u0103rimea s\u00e2nilor dup\u0103 remodelarea lor?
\u2013 Foarte mul\u021bumit\u0103, domnule doctor, dar a\u0219 dori s\u0103 am \u0219i ochii mai mari!
\u2013 Nicio problem\u0103, doamn\u0103!\u00a0<\/span>Sor\u0103, arat\u0103-i doamnei factura pentru s\u00e2ni!<\/span><\/p>\n

* Dup\u0103 ce au muls oile, ciobanii stau la mas\u0103. Din cer se aude un zgomot infernal, l\u00e2ng\u0103 ciobani ateriz\u00e2nd o nav\u0103 extraterestr\u0103. Iese din ea un extraterestru \u0219i se adreseaz\u0103 ciobanilor:
\u2013 Eu sunt Venus!
Baciul mai mare zice:
\u2013 Ia toarn\u0103-i un p\u0103h\u0103rel!
Bea extraterestrul \u0219i repet\u0103:
\u2013 Eu sunt Venus!
\u2013 Ia mai toarn\u0103-i unul!
Mai bea extraterestrul \u0219i le zice vesel:
\u2013 Vede\u021bi\u2026 eu sunt de pe alt\u0103 planet\u0103!
\u2013 Nu-i mai turna, c\u0103 s-o-mb\u0103tat deja, zice baciul.<\/span><\/p>\n

* Mama \u00ee\u0219i \u00eentreab\u0103 fiica proasp\u0103t c\u0103s\u0103torit\u0103:
\u2013 Cum te trateaz\u0103 so\u021bul t\u0103u?
\u2013 Foarte bine, mam\u0103, \u00eemi cump\u0103r\u0103 tot ce \u00eei cer!
\u2013 \u00censeamn\u0103 c\u0103 ceri prea pu\u021bin\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

* Bul\u0103 la \u0219coal\u0103:
\u2013 Bul\u0103, dac\u0103 ai \u00eentr-un buzunar 150 de lei \u0219i \u00een cel\u0103lalt 350 de lei, \u00een total ce ai?
\u2013 Geaca altuia, doamn\u0103 profesoar\u0103\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

* C\u00e2nd ajung la munc\u0103, \u00eent\u00e2i m\u0103 ascund.
Deoarece un muncitor bun e greu de g\u0103sit.<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Costele, de ce tu \u0219i cu so\u021bia ta frecventa\u021bi numai localuri de noapte?
\u2013 Pentru c\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 se \u00eembrac\u0103 ea, cele de zi se \u00eenchid!<\/span><\/p>\n

* Pentru c\u0103 nu bate pe nimeni, Na\u021bionala Rom\u00e2niei de Fotbal va c\u00e2\u0219tiga Premiul Nobel pentru Pace!<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 De ce l-ai b\u0103tut, b\u0103, pe doctorul urolog?
\u2013 A zis c\u0103 am prostTata!<\/span><\/p>\n

* Mama mea c\u00e2nd eram copil: \u201em\u0103n\u00e2nci ce este!\u201d
<\/span>Mama mea cu nepo\u021bii: \u201edac\u0103 nu \u00ee\u021bi place asta, \u00ee\u021bi face bunica altceva!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Ce-ai p\u0103\u021bit, Bul\u0103, de mergi \u00een c\u00e2rje?
\u2013 Am avut un accident de automobil.
\u2013 \u0218i nu po\u021bi merge f\u0103r\u0103 ele?
\u2013 Doctorul zice c\u0103 pot s\u0103 merg, dar avocatul meu imi spune ca … nu.<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Ce-mi d\u0103ruie\u0219ti de Cr\u0103ciun?
\u2013 Nimic.\u00a0<\/span>Dar tu mie?
\u2013 Tot nimic\u2026
\u2013 Na, ai v\u0103zut? Avem acelea\u0219i gusturi.<\/span><\/p>\n

* Fiul c\u0103tre tat\u0103:
\u2013 Tati, ciorba asta este \u0219i rece \u0219i amar\u0103!
\u2013 M\u0103-ta a f\u0103cut-o, a pus suflet \u00een ea!<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Ioane, ai luat o saltea nou\u0103?
\u2013 Da, M\u0103rie, e cu memorie, \u00eemi spune tot ce visezi, g\u00e2nde\u0219ti \u0219i faci \u00een lipsa mea!<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Anul trecut, de Cr\u0103ciun, i-am pus so\u021biei mele cadoul sub brad\u2026
\u2013 \u0218i?
\u2013 \u0218i acum \u00eel caut\u0103\u2026 P\u0103durea e mare!<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Bunico, cred c\u0103 ai un supozitor \u00een ureche.
\u2013 Ce spui?
\u2013 Ai un supozitor \u00een ureche.
\u2013 Tiii! Ai dreptate, supozitorul e-n ureche. Acum \u0219tiu unde-i aparatul de auzit.<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Ioane, cump\u0103ratu-\u021bi-ai ma\u0219in\u0103?
\u2013 Cump\u0103rat, Vasile!
\u2013 Ce culoare?
\u2013 P\u0103i, m\u0103 Vasile, ai v\u0103zut ceriul la apusu\u2019 soarelui?
\u2013 V\u0103zut-am!
\u2013 E, t\u0103t a\u0219e ni, numa\u2019 c\u0103 verde.<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 Ioane, de ce e\u0219ti \u00eentins pe jos? Iar e\u0219ti beat?
\u2013 Nu, draga mea, s\u0103rut p\u0103m\u00e2ntul pe unde calci\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 \u00cemi pute\u021bi recomanda c\u00e2teva plante de interior care s\u0103 emane energie pozitiv\u0103?
\u2013 Cannabis! Toat\u0103 casa o s\u0103 fie numai z\u00e2mbet\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u00cen sf\u00e2r\u0219it am g\u0103sit o persoan\u0103 care s\u0103 \u00eemi recunoasc\u0103 meritele!
Medicul meu stomatolog mi-a zis: \u201e\u021aie \u00ee\u021bi trebuie o coroan\u0103\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

* \u2013 E\u0219ti singur?
\u2013 E\u0219ti trist?
\u2013 E\u0219ti depresiv?
\u2013 Aminte\u0219te-\u021bi c\u0103 e\u0219ti \u0219i s\u0103rac!<\/span><\/p>\n

* La pescuit
\u2013 Bun\u0103 ziua\u2026 Trage?
\u2013 A\u0219a \u0219i a\u0219a\u2026
\u2013 Sunte\u021bi pescar de mult?
\u2013 De peste 20 de ani\u2026
\u2013 \u0218i nu v\u0103 plictisi\u021bi s\u0103 sta\u021bi toat\u0103 ziua pe marginea b\u0103l\u021bii?<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u2013 Nu, deloc\u2026, c\u0103 mai vine c\u00e2te un prost din \u0103sta \u0219i ne \u021bine de vorb\u0103!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n


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<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BANCURILE S\u0102PT\u0102M\u00c2NII\u00a0 * \u2013 Sunte\u021bi mul\u021bumit\u0103 cu m\u0103rimea s\u00e2nilor dup\u0103 remodelarea lor?\u2013 Foarte mul\u021bumit\u0103, domnule doctor, dar a\u0219 dori s\u0103 am \u0219i ochii mai mari!\u2013 Nicio problem\u0103, doamn\u0103!\u00a0Sor\u0103, arat\u0103-i doamnei factura pentru s\u00e2ni! * Dup\u0103 ce au muls oile, ciobanii stau la mas\u0103. Din cer se aude un zgomot infernal, l\u00e2ng\u0103 ciobani ateriz\u00e2nd o nav\u0103 extraterestr\u0103. Iese din ea un extraterestru \u0219i se adreseaz\u0103 ciobanilor:\u2013 Eu sunt Venus!Baciul mai mare…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3027"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3027"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3027\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3027"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3027"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/draculascastle.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3027"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}